


this year my heart knows what it’s wanting

by HeartonFire



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, First Chapter is Rated T, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hanukkah, Holidays, Kastle Christmas Secret Santa Gift Exchange, Light Angst, Mistletoe, Porn with Feelings, Smut, second chapter is rated E
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartonFire/pseuds/HeartonFire
Summary: An unexpected holiday invitation brings Karen face-to-face with Frank for the first time since the hospital. Is a little mistletoe enough to finally bring them together for good?
Relationships: Frank Castle/Karen Page
Comments: 43
Kudos: 87
Collections: kastlechristmas2k20





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Kastle Christmas fic for [chey (aka kastlenetwork)](https://kastlenetwork.tumblr.com)! Thank you for giving me the delightful prompt of basically anything Christmas-related for these two. I hope you enjoy it! 💖

Karen stared down at the invitation in her hands. It was beautiful: all silver and blue ink, on a heavy paper that felt creamy under her fingertips. When she’d first seen the envelope, addressed in flowing cursive, she’d been sure it was from Foggy and Marci. They were the only people she knew who’d throw a fancy party. It had to be from them.

It wasn’t.

_Celebrate the season with us! You’re invited to our annual nondenominational holiday party for family and friends._

_December 18th, 7:00pm_

_Please RSVP by December 12th._

_The Liebermans_

Karen wasn’t sure what to do. She knew who the Liebermans were. She had to, after they brought Frank back into her life over a year earlier. But as hard as she’d tried, Karen had never been able to find out much about the family beyond the lead she gave to Frank, no matter where she looked. She had a feeling Frank had something to do with that. 

It wasn’t unreasonable to think that maybe Frank had befriended them, after everything that they went through, or at least what she’d been able to piece together. Karen was glad to think that maybe Frank had found a family. She knew they’d never replace his own family, but at least he had someone. She wondered if they had a hard time keeping track of him like she did, or if he called them regularly, went over for dinner, attended their holiday parties throughout the year. 

In the midst of all this thinking, the one thing Karen couldn’t figure out was why the Liebermans would have invited _her_ . As far as she knew, they didn’t know anything about her. She’d certainly never met them. For all she knew, this could be some kind of elaborate trap, set by one of the people she’d helped expose, either at _the Bulletin_ or with Matt and Foggy. It could also be some kind of prank, sent by someone who knew about the link between her and Frank and somehow, impossibly, put the pieces together about the Liebermans.

Or it was for real.

Her cheeks heated when the thought occurred to her that Frank might have told them about her. She’d never presume to think that he’d ask them to invite her to a party, and even the idea of Frank talking about her at all was preposterous. She hadn’t seen him in months. He’d told her he didn’t want to be with her. That was answer enough.

But the invitation was still here, in her hands. She shouldn’t go, right? It would be weird. She didn’t even know these people.

And yet, as she lay in bed later that night, staring up at the ceiling, Karen wondered if this was a sign of some kind. She’d tried for months not to think about Frank, and sometimes it almost worked. When she was busy at the office or working on a case for Foggy and Matt, she could almost push him to the back of her mind. 

She’d never managed to shake him completely, though. Whenever she saw a man of roughly his build, her heart stuttered in her chest and the breath went out of her lungs. Any time she went into a diner, she scanned the booths for him, hunched over a cup of coffee with a hat over his face. He was everywhere and nowhere. 

The last time she’d actually seen Frank, he’d been beat to hell in a hospital bed, but months had gone by since then. It had been radio silence. Not a call, not a note, not even a flower on her windowsill. For all she knew, Frank had skipped town.

For all she knew, Frank was dead.

“No,” she said firmly to the darkness. Frank wasn’t dead. If he was, she’d know. She wasn’t sure how, but she’d know. She would. Even when he pushed her away and even if he never talked to her again, they were connected. There was no denying that.

Karen kept the invitation. She slipped it under a magnet on her fridge, staring at it every morning while she drank her coffee and every night while she ate her dinner over the sink. 

Finally, on December 11th, as she slipped out of her pumps after work, Karen tugged the invitation out of the magnet and smoothed her thumb over the swirling design on the border of the paper. Pulling out her phone, she typed a message and sent it before she could talk herself out of it again.

Throwing herself onto the couch, Karen tried not to think about it. It was done. 

Her phone buzzed and Karen opened it instantly. There was a response.

_Great! I’ll send you our address. See you next week!_

_Sarah_

* * *

Karen stood in front of her closet on the night of the party, flicking through her options and regretting that she hadn’t bought something new. She’d thought about it, even glanced through some options in her spare time, but it seemed too real somehow, buying a new dress to look good for a man she wasn’t even sure would be there. Running a frustrated hand through her hair, she finally decided on a sleek gray dress with a little shimmer. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do. She brushed her hair and debated curling it, but she was already running late and she didn’t want to make this too big a deal. She touched up her makeup and put on some jewelry before slipping on her coat and heading out the door to make her way across town.

The address was farther from her apartment than Karen expected. She no longer had a car and her cab got stuck in traffic, so by the time she got to the Liebermans’ house, she could see a number of people milling around inside. The house glowed with lights, inside and out, and Karen clutched the bottle of wine she’d brought tightly, hands sweating a little inside her gloves.

She assumed that no one would hear the doorbell, so she nudged the door open and slipped inside. Holiday music blared from speakers in every room and Karen could see people chatting near a brightly lit menorah in the next room. A few people glanced her way, but their eyes didn’t linger and she had a brief hope that she might slip under the radar. If Frank wasn’t here, she might just sneak back out the way she came and no one would ever have to know. She didn't see him, and she wondered if she could really just leave and pretend she'd never had that hope, deep in her chest, that she'd see him again.

“Karen!” a voice said brightly, and Karen turned to see a pretty blonde woman standing beside her. “I’m so glad you came.” She held out a hand for the wine and beamed at Karen. “I’m Sarah. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“You have?” Karen said, startled. She wanted to ask, _From whom?_ before realizing she already knew the answer. Her heart swooped in her chest and she felt a little unsteady at the thought. Clearing her throat, she tried to change the subject. “Thank you for inviting me. The party is lovely.”

Sarah shrugged. “We figured it’s the last day of Hanukkah and a week away from Christmas, so why not have some friends over to celebrate?”

“I thought this was an annual thing?” Karen said, remembering the wording on the invitation. She’d looked at it often enough, the words were basically engraved in her brain.

“Come on. Let’s get you a drink.” Sarah slid her arm through Karen’s elbow and led her into the kitchen before Karen could protest. Sarah opened the bottle Karen brought and poured a healthy glass for Karen. “I don’t know where David disappeared to, but that just gives us a chance to get to know each other.”

“Oh, uh, okay,” Karen said, taking a long drink of wine. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, I know we have a friend in common,” Sarah said, smiling over the top of her own glass. “And I know you’re a brilliant reporter. What are you doing these days? We haven’t seen one of your stories in a while.”

“I still work freelance sometimes, but I’m an investigator for a law firm now.”

Sarah’s smile widened. “I assume our friend doesn’t know that.”

“Why do you say that?” Karen asked, flushing. She wondered what Frank might have told Sarah about her. She tried to think of something else to say, something to steer this conversation back to safer waters, but instead took another sip of wine.

Karen felt Frank’s presence before she saw him, nothing more than a prickle at the back of her neck, but when she turned, he was all she could see. He was standing near a tall, wiry man with wild hair, laugh dying on his lips as his eyes met hers from across the room. He muttered something to the man beside him and started moving through the people between them.

Karen was pinned to the spot. She’d expected to see Frank here, obviously. Honestly, she’d kind of counted on it. She wasn’t sure when she’d get such a good chance to see him again. It was pretty much the entire reason why she’d come at all.

But now, he was coming towards her and she didn’t know what to do. Her heart was thundering against her ribs and her mouth was suddenly dry. She took a gulp of wine and heard Sarah laugh lightly to herself.

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” she said softly, squeezing Karen’s elbow as Frank reached them. Sarah shot Frank a smile and he nodded at her, jaw set and eyes fixed on Karen. She’d nearly forgotten what it felt like to be the focus of his attention, the swirl of emotions that always followed seeing Frank again.

Frank stopped in the doorway, still staring at Karen like he wasn’t entirely sure she was really there. 

“Hi Frank,” Karen said softly, looking down at the wine in her glass instead of looking at him. She pressed a hand over her lips, suddenly unsure. “Can I call you by your real name?”

Frank shrugged. “Sure. No one’s in here but us.”

It was true; most of the other guests had gathered in the living room, and the few closest to them were hardly paying attention to the two of them. “But --”

“You can call me Pete, if you want. That’s what the Liebermans call me.” He nodded his head back at Sarah and the man next to her, who must be David. Micro. The reason Karen and Frank had come back together in the first place, all those months ago. The two of them were watching Frank and Karen from across the room, but pretending not to.

“Pete.” Karen nodded, though it felt wrong on her tongue. “Okay.”

“What are you doing here, Karen?” Frank said, voice low.

“I can leave,” Karen said automatically, though she didn’t want to go anywhere. Not when she had Frank here, in front of her, whole and possibly even happy for the first time since she’d met him. She’d always loved making him laugh, or even just smile. It didn’t happen often, in her experience, but it seemed like maybe the Liebermans had figured it out, figured out how to give Frank what he really needed. Maybe that was enough and Karen should stop meddling in something that wasn’t her business.

“No,” Frank said sharply. “I just -- I didn’t expect --” He looked up at the ceiling, as if to collect his thoughts, but then his eyes widened. “Oh.”

Karen looked up then, too, and saw what had sparked that response from Frank. Mistletoe, hanging right over their heads. She hadn’t noticed it before, and obviously neither had Frank, but there it was. A sign. Or an omen. Karen couldn’t decide which.

When she looked back at Frank, he was watching her carefully. She’d half-expected him to bolt at the first suggestion that he could ever possibly think about kissing her, but here he was, not moving an inch. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he looked a little nervous.

“It’s just a silly tradition,” Karen said, trying to play it off, to give Frank the out she was sure he wanted.

Frank nodded, swallowing hard. “Right.” His dark eyes flashed upward to the offending plant, which was still hanging there. Neither of them had moved. “Feels like bad luck not to, though.”

Karen’s eyes went wide, warmth spreading through her body, and she felt herself nodding right back at Frank. “Sure. Yeah.”

Frank edged closer to her, tongue darting out to trace over his lips. Karen watched the motion with fascination. There was no way this could really be happening. It was impossible. 

But when Frank’s lips touched Karen’s, she knew there was no way she was imagining this. Frank’s hands came up to cradle Karen’s face, rough and gentle at the same time, and Karen leaned into him, desperate for more, for anything he’d give her. Her hands wrapped around the back of Frank’s neck, holding him to her, and she braced herself for the moment when he regretted this and pulled away from her, breaking the spell.

Instead, Frank’s tongue slipped past Karen’s lips, hot and sweet, and she swallowed a moan. It was all so much, too much, but she was afraid if they stopped, they’d never find their way back. 

He tasted like coffee and beer and grief and rage and tenderness, and Karen was sure she’d never get enough. Every touch of his tongue to hers sent a spark over her skin and she felt like she’d been drowning before this, suffocating without realizing it, and suddenly she could breathe again. 

A clatter in the other room startled them away from each other, though neither of them let go completely. Karen blinked at Frank, feeling like the world was spinning more slowly than usual. Frank’s hands dropped to Karen’s shoulders, then slid to her wrists. His thumbs traced circles against her skin and she shivered.

“Could we...talk?” he asked, almost shy.

“I’d like that,” Karen said, smiling despite the swirl of emotions in her stomach that made her feel a little lightheaded. Or maybe that was the wine. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wanted to be here, with him, in this moment, for the rest of time.

“Could I drive you back to the city?”

Karen had only just arrived, but since she didn’t really know any of these people, she couldn’t think of one single reason why she shouldn’t leave now with Frank. After months of waiting and wondering and wishing, the opportunity to be close to Frank again, really close, was too good to pass up. 

“Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering when I will stop writing the Liebermans (and especially Sarah) as matchmakers for Frank and Karen, the answer is NEVER. Thank you for reading and have a safe and happy holiday season, friends!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have this bonus chapter that I finished because [carry-the-sky](https://carry-the-sky.tumblr.com/) indicated that she wanted to see more. I am helpless in the face of such peer pressure (slash I had already written part of this and used the encouragement to actually finish it 😁), so enjoy this smutty holiday encore to my gift for [chey (aka kastlenetwork)](https://kastlenetwork.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Please note: this chapter is almost entirely smut, and the rating has changed accordingly. If that's not your thing, turn back now! Chapter 1 is still a complete story without this part. 💖

They didn’t talk much on the drive back to the city, but Frank’s hand never left Karen’s knee, grounding them both in the reality of this step they were finally, finally taking.

By the time they got to her apartment, Karen was sure she was going to combust if Frank kept touching her like that, so gently, so carefully. She hadn’t been this close to Frank in so long, and this time, there was no one to interrupt them, just the growl of an engine and snowflakes swirling gently from the sky.

Her hands shook while she unlocked the door, but Frank didn’t say a word. When Karen finally got the door open, he followed her inside, shoulders hunched like he was trying not to take up space.

“Coffee?” Karen asked, desperate to break the heavy silence. She wanted to touch him again, kiss him again, take him to bed, but she wasn’t sure she could. They were in uncharted territory now and they were going to have to figure out where to go from here, together.

Frank shifted his weight. “Got anything stronger?”

Karen smiled at the very idea that the big, bad Punisher might be as nervous to be here with her as she was to be here with him. She stretched up to reach for a bottle of whiskey in the cabinet and shook it at Frank, who grinned.

“You look good,” Karen said, forcing herself to meet his eyes as she passed him a glass. Frank scoffed a little, looking down at his feet. “Better than last time I saw you, anyway.”

Frank’s gaze snapped back up to Karen’s and a frown creased his forehead. “Yeah, I, uh, I’m doing okay.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.” 

She took a step towards him and he stiffened just a little. Shaking her head, Karen kept moving. They were both here now. They had finally moved past this, back at the party. She wasn’t backing down. Not again.

“How’ve you been?” Frank asked, when she was close enough to touch him if she wanted. She did want to, but she was afraid to break the delicate tension that was building between them now.

“I’ve been fine, Frank.” She took a long, slow drink of whiskey and watched Frank’s eyes follow the motion of her throat as she swallowed. It was exhilarating, to be this close to him, to have time to just be in the same space, after everything they’d been through. It was also a little terrifying, to be this close to what she'd wanted to for so long.

“Can I?” Frank said, shifting even closer. Karen wasn’t entirely sure what he was asking, but she nodded anyway. She’d give him whatever he wanted. He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and Karen felt her eyelids flutter closed. Frank’s breath was warm on her face and she leaned into him, desperate for the heat of him, the taste of him, the feel of him.

This kiss wasn’t the gentle, easy thing it had been in the Liebermans’ kitchen. This kiss was wild, untamed, needy in a way that Karen hadn’t been sure she could be anymore. With Frank, it was easy.

He nudged her backwards until her hips touched the counter. Both glasses of whiskey hit the counter with a thud that would have worried Karen if she weren’t otherwise occupied. He crowded into her space, trailing kisses down her neck and tangling his fingers into her hair. Karen wasn’t sure what to do; all her senses were overwhelmed and her brain was taking a second to catch up to the fact that this was really happening.

She felt him tense a little and she raked her fingernails through his hair on instinct, reveling in the shudder that went down his spine when she did. He relaxed into the touch and the spark of fear that had shot through Karen when he hesitated vanished. 

“My bedroom is behind you,” she murmured against his ear. She felt Frank’s smile against her neck and took his hand to lead him in that direction.

It still felt like this must be a dream. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d dreamed of Frank, but this was different. His fingers were rough against her skin and his teeth grazed against her earlobe in a way that made her shiver.

“Are you sure?” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to her collarbone as he started to slide the zipper of her dress down her spine.

“Yes,” she whispered back, tugging him back up to kiss her again. This was real. This was happening. Karen wanted to savor every second of it, every sensation, but it was all happening so fast, she was sure she’d forget the details.

“Karen?” Frank said, hands stilling against the triangle of bare skin that was revealed by the zipper. His eyes were wide and bright, even in the darkness of her bedroom, and Karen felt tears springing to her eyes the longer he looked at her with that gentle heat. “We don’t have to --”

“No,” Karen said, shaking her head. “I want to. God, do I want to. I’m just…”

“Overwhelmed?” Frank said gently. Karen nodded and Frank’s arms closed around her in a fierce hug. “I know. Me too.”

“I just,” Karen mumbled into his shoulder. “I just don’t want to miss a second of it.”

“I’m not going anywhere. We have time.”

Karen felt her whole body relax with relief at those words. She hadn’t even realized how much she was bracing herself for the moment when he disappeared again, vanished from her life again, but it was their pattern. She had to be sure, before they really did this. She wasn't sure she'd survive it otherwise. 

“You mean it?”

Frank released her from his hug and looked right into her eyes. “You told me once that I don’t lie to you.” He swallowed hard, and Karen knew he was remembering that night. She remembered it too: their conversation and what came after. “It hasn’t always been true, but I’d like it to be.”

“I’d like that too.” Karen leaned in to press her lips to Frank’s again, and it felt like a promise. After everything that had kept them apart so long, they were going to try, really try. That was everything she'd hoped for when she saw him, and nothing she'd dared to think she could have. She tugged Frank backwards until her knees hit the mattress. Sinking down, she pulled him with her and he held himself up, looking at her with such softness that she squirmed a little.

“Can I see you?” he murmured. Karen nodded, shifting to help Frank peel her dress off her shoulders and down to the floor. She toed off her heels and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, sliding it down his arms to bare his chest. He traced his hands down her sides, raising goosebumps in his wake, and soon his mouth followed his fingers, hot and wet and hungry. He reached behind Karen and unhooked her bra with ease, tossing it to the side with her dress.

“Frank,” Karen whispered, hands trailing down his shoulders. She felt the scars that marked his skin and almost wished she could smooth them away. But then she realized that if she did that, he wouldn’t quite be Frank. Every scar was part of his story, no matter how much it hurt, and Karen loved him for exactly who he was. No matter what he did, that would always be true.

He was still slowly making his way down her body like he was cataloguing every spot that make Karen sigh or writhe beneath him. The combination of his fingertips, his teeth, his tongue, his everything was so much and still not enough. His thumbs hooked into the waistband of her panties and he looked up at her with the question in his eyes.

“Yes, Frank. Yes. Please.” Karen hadn’t realized how much she had been craving touch, especially Frank’s touch, but now she never wanted him to stop. She felt his breath against her skin and her thighs fell open, leaving her completely bare to his gaze.

“Karen,” he groaned, nosing at the inside of her thigh on his way to her center. Karen could feel how wet she already was and when Frank's mouth closed around her, her hips bucked up of their own accord. One of his big hands closed around her hip and held her still, but Karen felt Frank smiling against her skin as he continued working her over. He lapped at her clit, circling it over and over until Karen was fisting her hands in the comforter as her climax built, coiling low in her belly. When Frank suddenly hummed against her, hooking a finger inside, Karen fell over the edge with an unintelligible cry.

“Come here, Frank,” Karen murmured, tugging on his hair gently to guide him back up to her. She licked into his mouth and tasted herself mixed with the whiskey on his tongue. He groaned, pressing against Karen’s body, and the friction of his pants and belt against her oversensitive skin made Karen feel even more desperate to feel Frank against her, all of him. She reached between them and fumbled with his fly. Frank kicked off his boots and shucked off his pants, his body hot and heavy and solid against hers.

“Fuck,” Frank breathed as his hips slid against Karen’s. Karen nudged him over and his hands settled onto her hips when she straddled his thighs. 

The way he was looking at her was almost enough to send her crashing over the edge again, but Karen wanted Frank inside her the next time she came, so she lifted herself and slid down onto his length with a low groan. Her eyes fluttered closed at the stretch of him and she let out a long, slow breath when he was fully seated inside her.

“Look at me,” Frank said, voice low and hoarse, and Karen’s eyes opened instantly to lock with his. Karen couldn’t even move for the space of a few breaths, lost in this moment, this feeling. When she did finally start to move, she held Frank’s gaze and felt his fingers tightening on her hips. He had always drawn her in with those eyes, they had always been connected, and now that they were here, it felt like they'd always been heading towards this moment, no matter how long it took them to get here.

Karen kept the pace slow and easy at first, relishing the feeling of Frank filling in the emptiness she’d been carrying for so long, but as the heat built between them, she couldn’t control herself. She rolled her hips against him, another orgasm building in her core the faster she moved. Frank met her every motion, sinking deeper into her with every thrust. 

Just as Karen’s second climax crashed over her, she felt Frank’s hips jerk up as a groan fell from his lips. She fell against him and he cradled her head against his chest, cock still buried deep inside her. Karen could hear his heart thundering in his chest, loud and strong and alive and _here_.

When he finally shifted to pull out of her, Karen felt the loss immediately, but Frank cuddled her against him again and she wrapped an arm around his chest to hold them together. She wasn’t so afraid of the two of them falling apart anymore, not after _that_ , but she wanted to keep Frank as close as she could for as long as she could.

Frank trailed his fingers through her hair and Karen felt her eyes closing almost instantly. She was warm and she was safe and she felt more relaxed than she had in a long time.

“Sarah’s never going to let me hear the end of this,” Frank mumbled against the crown of Karen’s head.

Karen grinned, peeking up at him. “I’m glad she invited me.”

Frank pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Me too.” Karen hummed sleepily against him and snuggled even closer, winding a leg through his.

“You’ll stay?” Karen whispered, almost to herself.

“I’ll be here, sweetheart. Go to sleep.”


End file.
